By identifying with my occasional feelings of shame and failure I am rejecting myself. For me, feeling that I should be doing better, and feeling shame for past actions crops up from time to time. It’s an energy I don’t want and can actually contribute to a destructive cycle if I choose to medicate it instead of facing it in some healthy way. 

For me, shame is an energy that builds on itself. Shame begets shame and the very actions that lead to shame can spiral into a shame spiral that is addictive in nature and can be a trap that is difficult to get out of. 

Let me use food as an example. I eat something that I know isn’t healthy for me and instead of stopping, I beat myself up about it and inexplicably eat more unhealthy food either consciously, or usually unconsciously, thinking that it will somehow make “things” better. A bag of chips later I’m wondering what the hell happened.

I want different energy. As *Mike Kemski, author of Power Life Principles says, “highest energy wins.” So if my energy is feeling ashamed, rejection, feeling like a failure, or like I don’t have anything to offer,  that energy is going to win. Can you sense the hole that I am beginning to dig if I let this energy take over?

Here’s a contemplative way to make a shift in that energy that is helpful to me. (You can find extremely helpful versions of this elsewhere eg. two of my favorites are The Welcoming Prayer and Tara Brach’s RAIN.)

Just a quick note: this isn’t about how to be more successful. It’s about allowing ourselves to be unconditionally loved, connected to Love, and then putting that love out into the world in whatever way we are invited to do that.

So, here you go. if you are open to a contemplative exercise I invite you to...

1_ Recognize the feelings of shame or failure. Where do they show up in your body?

2_ Acceptance. Don’t push the feelings away or try to cancel, analyze or fix them. Accept them and simply be with them. Observe them.

3_ Say to yourself, “I am here for you.” In essence, offering yourself unconditional compassion in the midst of shame or feeling like a failure. (Additional phrases: “I hear you” “I see you“ “I love you“)

4_ Be still and open to the presence and action of the God of your understanding. 

5_ Bonus level 🤓 With number four you might just experience a void or a kind of silent presence. That’s OK. More than okay actually. Just be with it. Also, spending time doing a little self-inquiry about the space that is created rather than the energy of shame or failure can be quite powerful and transformational. 

To investigate this void you could ask: Who is it? What is it? Who is it that is aware of it? Saint Francis, for example, is said to have spent the whole night asking and contemplating, “Who are you God?“ and following that up with “and who am I?“